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05 April 2006 @ 10:53 am
Catharsis  

[Cross-posted from my MovableType Blog]

Yesterday hit me harder than it has in recent years. I ended up stepping out of the office and just bawling for while. This lead to a catharsis stronger than I have felt in a VERY long time.

It also posed a bit of a dilemma. I realized that sitting home in the dark, sipping Oban might be a perfect way to remember him, but it probably wasn't the best thing for my mental state at the moment. But at 4:50, I was going to have a hard time finding some way to avoid doing that. Especially without a vehicle in the South Bay.

Fortunately, Salim, Jim, & Dawn were going out to dinner to celebrate Jim's new job and they invited me along. Synchronicity was with me as I somehow managed to make every connection from VTA (I think the driver waited for me) to Caltrain to Muni to Muni. I wasn't sure if I'd mention my own reason for seeking social interaction, and as it turned out, it never really came up.

We went to Magnolia (Haight & Masonic) I'd been there for beer before, and always liked it. I don't know how I never looked at the menu! Everything looked fantastic!

In the end, I had a very nice evening out with good friends. I can think of few better way to remember the dearly departed.

Oh, and I got DRENCHED on my way back home.

Here's to my little brother. He's never far from my thoughts.

Update: I just got mail (sent yesterday) from Yojo (stealthymonkey) that said (among other things):

You forgot a really fucking bad date. Not a really fucking awesome person.

please remember that.

She always has had an uncanny ability to put things in perspective. Thanks, dear!

 
 
Current Music: "Stuart" — The Dead Milkmen
 
 
 
Mavchrismaverick on April 5th, 2006 06:08 pm (UTC)
yeah, I actually knew it was yesterday. Gidge posted about it in her myspace blog and I wrote her a virtual hug. When I spoke to you online yesterday you seemed unaware of it and I kind of made the conscious decision not to remind you. Sorry. I think that in some respects its good. Its not like you're ever going to forget that you had a brother, but I think its good that you're maybe getting to the point where you just remember the good parts about him and forget the "fucking awful day."

Anyway, like I told Gidge, Craig was awesome, and obviously he meant more to you two than he did to me, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him too. So a virtual *hug* to you as well.
stealthymonkey on April 5th, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC)
Try to look at it this way: the closest friend/family I ever had died when I was 9. I always forget the day. I have for over 2 decades now.* This is incredibly common for people. It's not the day they left that matters.

*Though, much like yesterday, I nearly always get really despondant and/or otherwise out of sorts for a few days up to, and then it strikes me what the day is...again, incredibly common.
Erik Oganeriktheplaid on April 5th, 2006 11:53 pm (UTC)
Yesterday I was bowled over with grief, I wasn't really able to process.

Your comment about forgetting a date cut through all of that, at precisely a time when I could process it. And I greatly appreciate that.

Most of me realizes that this fixation with the specific day is ludicrous (especially for me, whose sense of time is fluid at the best of times) But the mind plays tricks. I know quite a few other people who have "anniversaries" similar to this one who exhibit all of the symptoms we're talking about and can't figure out why, until they realize. Once it's been named, and acknowledged, life can go on.

Because that's what life does.

*hug* I love you.
Erik Ogan: AIDSrideeriktheplaid on April 6th, 2006 10:05 pm (UTC)
OHHH!!!! I knew there was something else I was forgetting in all of this.

Magnolia.

Had Olives
stuffed with anchovies
DEEP-FRIED!

It immediately made me think of you.

*hug*
avocado_tomavocado_tom on April 6th, 2006 08:04 am (UTC)

*hug*

been thinking about him a lot recently. Very odd. Hope you're well and god bless stealthymonkey and her sense of perspective.
nickpalmernickpalmer on April 11th, 2006 08:25 am (UTC)
Heh. I too have been thinking a bunch about Craig the last week or so. I'd forgotten the date until I read this entry. There is no way that you or I or anybody that he really touched will ever forget him. He was an incredible being. *Hugs* to you.